For the Love of Sin Page 12

  When the arousal became too much, he pulled her down to the carpet with him, kissing her and fondling her. The passion in her eyes made him mindless. They tussled, and this time she ended up on top. The sight of her, her breasts full from his touch, her nipples shiny from his lips and her wanton mouth swollen from their kisses, made him arch toward her as she hovered over him.

  She sank onto him, taking him all the way in. For a moment, he couldn’t breathe. “Sin?” he asked when his body was completely enveloped by her tight wet velvet.

  She licked her lips and sighed in pleasure. “Yes,” she whispered.

  “Have you ever loved one of your lovers?” It was the damnedest thing, but he needed to know he was different.

  She bit her lip and looked at him. For once, it was as if she was letting him see all her secrets, all her dreams, all her emotions. She leaned forward until her mouth glanced his, and he tried not to be disappointed that she hadn’t answered.

  Then she whispered, “Not before you.”

  Senada slapped blindly at her alarm clock this morning. She really didn’t want to get up. After she and Troy had made love the night before, they’d gone back and forth about which one was going to carry the other to bed. They ended up supporting each other and falling onto the mattress.

  She sighed. She really didn’t want to get up.

  But that damned needle was waiting for her.

  Pulling her way to the side of the bed, she slid one foot onto the floor. At the same time, the long arm of Troy slid across her waist.

  “Going somewhere?” he mumbled.

  Senada smiled. “Yes. To the bathroom.”

  “Can I come?”

  She chuckled. “No.” She slid her other foot on the floor and stood.

  Troy pulled himself up on his elbow. Senada stared at him for a long moment. His brilliant eyes were heavy-lidded, his eyelashes a sexy shield. His hair was mussed, his jaw dark with a morning-after shadow, and since he’d kicked the sheets aside, his heaven-help-me body was unselfconsciously bare to her gaze.

  She shook her head. “I tell you one thing, Pendleton, you are one gorgeous man.”

  His gaze slid over her in heated approval. “You’re not too bad yourself, Sin. Come back to bed.”

  The invitation gave her a rush of excitement. “In a minute. I’ve got—” she winced “—a date with a needle.”

  He started to rise. “Let me watch.”

  She held out her hand. “No! Really, no.”

  Exasperation crossed his face. “I’ve seen every square inch of your body, Sin, up close and personal. And you won’t let me watch you give yourself an injection.”

  Sin grabbed her robe and shook her head. “A woman likes to keep a little mystery,” she told him, but she noticed he didn’t smile.

  Troy arrived at the bar later than usual that night. Giving an absent wave to someone who called his name, he sat down at a table and ordered a beer. He’d just finished a heated discussion with his brother Brick. Brick was insistent about learning the mystery of why Sin had left Tennessee. Now that Troy knew everything, however, he was struggling with an odd reluctance to reveal Sin’s condition.

  He swore. The woman was going to drive him crazy. Brick had also informed him that Daniel needed him at the farm as soon as he could manage it. Technically, Troy should be ready to go. His job was done. With all he’d learned about Sin, though, he was stuck with the feeling of an uncompleted task. Troy hated that. He’d never been afraid of a problem, because he’d always believed he could find the solution. He suspected part of the solution for Sin was settling up with her father, and successfully getting those two together would probably require the services of a professional engineer and a psychologist. Troy was neither.

  “You’re glowering,” Sin said, interrupting his thoughts as she looked down at him. “In a bad mood?”

  “I talked to Brick.”

  She gave a laugh. “Oh, well, that’ll put you in a bad mood.”

  “No,” he said. “He and Daniel are chewing on me, but I’ve got some other things on my mind. Did you hear about Maria?”

  She shook her head and sat next to him. “What?”

  “She lost her job at the motel.”

  “Oh, no. What happened?”

  “Her little girl got sick. Maria had to go in late. They fired her.” Troy sighed. “I’m trying to think of a job for her, but I don’t know this area.”

  “I’d hire her here, but the hours are terrible for someone with kids.”

  Troy shrugged. “Maybe you can ask around.”

  “I will.” She took his hand in hers. “If it’s broke, you’ve got to try to fix it, don’t you?”

  He liked the feel of her fingers wrapped around his. “Hadn’t really thought about it that way, but maybe I do.” He cleared his throat. “Which brings up another subject. Did you ever call your father back?” Rex had called while Sin was taking a shower.

  She tried to pull her hand away, but he wouldn’t allow it. “I didn’t have time.”

  “He’s worried about you.”

  “He shouldn’t be. I’m fine.”

  “I think he wants to apologize for last night.”

  “Oh, save me.” Senada laughed. “You don’t know Rex. Even when he apologizes, he somehow makes it seem as if I’m responsible.”

  Troy rubbed his jaw. “Maybe he’s changed.”

  Senada shot him a doubtful look. “Not that I can see.”

  He tugged at her hand and held her gaze. “But you’ve changed. You’re not seventeen anymore. It might be time for you to be the leader.”

  That stopped her. She thought about it. He could see the wheels turning, then a waitress called her name. She leaned closer and gave him a quick kiss. “If you really want to fix something,” she said in a sexy voice, “the ice maker’s broken again.”

  He swatted her on the behind as she left and sighed. How was he going to go back to Tennessee without her?

  He brooded over that the rest of the night and checked on Sin throughout the evening. He kept remembering when she went into insulin shock, and the possibility that it could happen again scared the spit out of him.

  “I haven’t seen you eat anything in a while,” he said around midnight when she was pouring two pitchers of beer.

  She glanced at her watch and made a moue of surprise. “I’m going to snitch something in a few minutes. It’s been busy tonight, hasn’t it?” She set the pitchers on a tray and handed them to a waitress.

  He didn’t like the circles he saw under her eyes. “You look tired.”

  She tossed him a suggestive smile as she grabbed a cloth to wipe the bar. “I had a very active night last night.”

  “You should have rested more today,” he grumbled. “Did you take your insulin when you were supposed to?”

  Senada sighed and turned away. “You know, Troy, sometimes you can be a real killjoy.”

  “Does that mean you haven’t?”

  She turned back toward him. “No. It means I don’t want to discuss it with you.” She lowered her voice. “I’m in charge of my insulin. Okay? Diabetes is a fact of life for me, but I don’t like being made to feel like an invalid.”

  “It was that reaction you had at your father’s ranch. You didn’t see how pale you were, how lethargic.”

  Sin had her own feelings about that experience. It had been plenty scary for her. “If it will make you feel any better,” she told him, “I didn’t enjoy feeling that way, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure I don’t repeat the experience.” She paused, looking into his eyes and feeling the undertow of her uncertainty about her disease. She fought that undertow every day.

  “The truth is, Troy, it will probably happen again. Sometime, someday, I won’t do something I was supposed to because I’m not perfect, and it might happen again. I have to live with that, but I’m not your responsibility, so you don’t need to worry about it. I’m making sure nobody feels responsible.”

  Troy loo
ked at her as if she’d slapped him.

  Confused, she tugged gently at his sleeve and tried for a smile. “You’re supposed to be relieved, unburdened,” she said. “I don’t expect you to take care of me. That’s supposed to make you feel better.”

  His eyes darkened and he backed away. “Yeah. Sure.”

  That night, he made love to her again and again throughout the night. When morning came, he didn’t ask if he could watch her give herself her injection. He’d learned, ironically enough, that while Sin might give him her body, she would never afford him every intimacy. The knowledge lashed at him.

  Troy brushed aside that issue in favor of making some headway about her father. “He wants you to come to the ranch today,” Troy told her after breakfast.

  “It’s not a good day for me. I’m busy,” she said as she cleared the table.

  Troy followed her into the kitchen. “He’s expecting you.”

  She did a double take. “Expecting me? Is this a royal command?” She gave a short laugh.

  “That doesn’t work with me anymore.”

  Troy braced himself. She was not going to be happy with what he had done. “I told him you’d come.”

  She dropped a dish in the sink and stared at him. “You did what?”

  “I told him you’d come.”

  Fury lit her eyes. “Well, you can just untell him.”

  Troy stood his ground. “No.”

  She blinked. “I think we’re having a communication problem.” She shook her head. “I’m not going to see my father today.”

  “I think you should,” he said calmly. “I think he’s really going to try to be reasonable this time.”

  “You think I should,” she repeated, looking like a firecracker ready to go off. “You think he’ll be reasonable.” She looked at the glass she was holding as if she wanted to break it. Instead, she set it down, none too gently. “You’ve gone too far this time, Troy. This is none of your business.” She started to walk from the room.

  “I did it because I love you.”

  She stopped midstride. He watched a dozen emotions come and go in her eyes, surprise and hope, then doubt and suspicion. She took a deep breath and continued into the dining room to pick up the rest of the dishes. “If you’d said that at a different time, I might have been delighted. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that people pull out that little three-word phrase at the darnedest moments, like when they want you to do something you don’t want to do.”

  Something inside him splintered. “I told you before, you’ve been hanging around the wrong kind of men.”

  “Well one of those men who taught me so well was my father,” she retorted, tossing the plate into the sink with such force that it broke. Sin stared at it and swore under her breath. She sighed and shook her head.

  Troy heard the wealth of hurt in her revealing statement. He pushed his hand through his hair in exasperation.

  “I hate to be the one to tell you this, Troy, to wreck your idealistic beliefs. But you can’t fix everything.” She stood in front of him and met his gaze. “You can’t fix my relationship with my father unless we want it fixed. And right now we obviously don’t.”

  She took a breath and went on. “You can’t fix my diabetes. It won’t go away. I hate it that I got this. Absolutely hate it. I hate the adjustments I’ve had to make. Hate the needles. Hate the diet. Hate the extra risks and the fact that I’ve got to be careful about things other people don’t have to think twice about. Like stubbing a toe. If I ever get married, my husband will have to deal with the possibilities, and not all of them are pretty. If I ever decide to get pregnant, there will be extra considerations.”

  She lifted her hands. Her voice was calm, but her eyes said she’d had it. “You’re a nice guy, Troy, but I’ve got to settle this one on my own, and I don’t have it all taken care of yet. So, until I do, just leave me the hell alone.”

  She walked toward her bedroom, calling over her shoulder, “I’m going out for a while.”

  Troy stared after her. Within minutes, she was whipping past him with her car keys, then slamming the front door behind her. A heavy sense of dread filled his gut. Sin was right. He’d gone too far, stepped over the line.

  It was time to go.

  She drove for an hour. It was too hot, but she rolled down the window anyway. She wanted to feel the wind in her hair, and closing the windows trapped her inside her little car with all her big feelings and busy thoughts.

  One thing she hated, yet secretly liked about Troy Pendleton, was that he made her face the truth. He didn’t sugarcoat it, didn’t try to paint it a pretty color, but he also didn’t let her evade it.

  She hadn’t made any of those statements about diabetes aloud until Troy pushed the issue. It was crazy, but saying them aloud took a big bite out of her fear. She remembered how her dietician had encouraged her to attend the support group meetings, and the light began to dawn. She wondered, for a moment, though, if saying it to someone who loved you made a difference.

  Troy Pendleton had stomped into her life and turned it upside down. Before, she’d resented him.

  Now, she was grateful.

  Stop fooling yourself.

  Her heart twisted. She swore. She hadn’t expected this. Was unprepared for her feelings. But she wasn’t just grateful. She was in love.

  She was so rattled by the realization that she almost didn’t notice what road she was on. Sin saw the familiar signs and realized her father’s ranch was just beyond the next curve.

  She laughed at the irony. It was as if Troy had driven her there himself.

  Chapter Twelve

  Senada sat down on the brocade sofa in the formal living room. The sofa didn’t hold happy memories, considering the last time she reclined on it she’d had a reaction to her insulin. She remembered her father bellowing in the background.

  “You’re here early,” Rex said as he stomped into the room.

  Senada smiled wryly and stood. “Last time I was late. This time, I’m early. We have a tough time coordinating our timetables, don’t we?”

  Looking slightly taken aback, he stared at her for a moment, then cleared his throat. “I guess we do.”

  “Can we go for a ride?” she asked.

  Surprise crossed his face again. “Well, uh—”

  “We haven’t been in a long time.”

  His hard features softened. “That we haven’t.” He looked her over. “You sure you want to wear those tennis shoes? Let me see if Sheree has some boots that’ll fit you.”

  Minutes later, they saddled up and were riding toward the west pasture. Sin was impressed with the improvements he’d made in the ranch. “You’ve worked hard and it shows.”

  He glanced over at her. “I’ve had a lot of time to kill. Figured I might as well do something constructive.”

  Sin allowed herself to settle in to the mare’s rolling gait. “I always thought of you as busy, not killing time.”

  He gave a humorless chuckle. “After your mom died, I was killing time. I knew I’d screwed up the best thing in my life when I abandoned you two, but I didn’t think I could handle a slow goodbye. I thought quick would be better. Hadn’t counted on the guilt.”

  Sin stared at him in shock. Rex had never admitted guilt before.

  “What’s the matter, Sin? Cat got your tongue? You look a little surprised.”

  She caught her breath. “Well, I guess I am. Whenever I brought up the way Mom died, you blew me off.”

  “Because you were usually screaming about what a rotten husband, father and human being I was.”

  “I did n—” She stopped herself, her memory clicking in. As a teenager she’d taken every opportunity to remind Rex of his failings. “I guess I did,” she admitted.

  Rex pulled his gelding to a stop and looked at her. “Senada, what I did to you and your mama was wrong, and there hasn’t been a day that passed that I didn’t regret it. I didn’t just lose the only woman I’ve ever really loved. I lost my baby girl
too.” A lump formed in her throat.

  “Why did you do it? Why did you walk away?”

  Rex sucked in a deep breath. “I couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t handle watching her go down. I started drinking and wrecked the car one night. Ran into a tree. It was a wonder I didn’t kill myself or somebody else. That’s when I knew I couldn’t keep watching her die. It’s a damned helpless feeling to watch your wife die knowing you can’t do a thing to stop it.” He tilted his hat backward. “Figured there’d better be a place for you to call home after your mom was gone, so I put my energy into that.”

  Senada’s heart felt like it was breaking. She’d felt those same feelings of helplessness. Her eyes began to burn. “I was really grateful, wasn’t I?”

  Rex shook his head. “No. You were a handful. I thought about tearing out both your hair and mine more than a few times. I kept hoping you’d stop resenting me.” He smiled sadly. “Kept hoping you’d forgive me.”

  “I didn’t want to forgive you,” she whispered as much to herself as to him. “It was easier to be angry. I didn’t have to think about the loss if I resented you.”

  Silence followed. The truth hit her hard. Senada held her breath for a long moment coming to grips with it. Myriad thoughts and feelings swam inside her. Her hands were shaking. Had she really hung on to her resentment all those years to avoid the hurt?

  She finally took a careful breath. “We really made a mess of things, didn’t we?”

  Rex was watching her carefully. “Yeah, we did.”

  “I hated the women,” she told him.

  “Hell, I must’ve gone through a dozen. It was like trying to plug a hole in a ship. Just kept getting bigger.” He met her gaze. “I can’t go back and change any of this.”

  “Neither of us can.”

  Rex nodded silently in understanding while his gelding shifted beneath him as if he was bored from standing. It was odd, Senada thought, how a quiet understanding passed between them.